The Magical Tale of Vanitas
by Infamousplot
Summary: A magical tale of Vanitas's crappy childhood, why he hates Ven so much, and why his outfit makes him look like some Power Ranger. Complete and utter CRACK, not intened to be taken seriously, Kingdom heart's knows why I wrote this...


**The magical tale of Vanitas and how he came to be. None of this is intended to be taken seriously.  
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><p>Once upon a time, there was a cute little kid named Ventus, who was snatched up by an evil creeper named Xehanort. This creepy old man was... Well, he was creepy. Odds are, he was a pedophile. But that's not the point.<p>

One dark and cliche night, Xehanort took his small child and tore his heart in half. That's right. He ripped his freaking heart _in half._ Kingdom Hearts knows how, but he did it. He tore the bad parts and the good parts away from each other, leaving cute little Ven to be wonderful, pure and adorable in a way that made moe-loving fangirls squee themselves to death, and creating an angst-fueling, ready to be woobified Bad Boy for the rest of the fangirls to fight over.

I have absolutely no idea why Xehanort did this. Because I am too lazy to play my BBS game, that I wasted all my money to get, and then never touched. ._. But, this isn't about me. This is about Vanitas.

The little bad-ass, Vanitas, was an unruly child who did not like anything. In fact, he hated everything. Even his Master Xehanort. Because Xehanort was a creeper and a half (half a creeper more than Axel, DiZ and Xemnas!), and no small child -not even Vanitas -deserved to be left alone with him. The only thing that got him through the day was watching television. Unfortunately, Xehanort's TV only got one channel -Anime Hell. That's right, I'm talking about 4 Kids!.

Of all the crappy shows that made Vanitas hate his life even more, there was one show that shone out like a beacon of hope to the small child. A show full of fighting, and violence, and heroes running around in colorful skin-tight suits with helmets while talking about team work. And in this glorious show, Vanitas found hope.

Vanitas clung to the Power Rangers like a life line.

He watched them every day. He insisted Xehanort get him Power Rangers collectables, like action figures and dinner plates, and other wonderful crap like that. He even _dressed_ like a Power Ranger. Well, if Power Rangers looked bad ass and wore skin-tight leather and man skirts (it's a little known fact that Vanitas was Riku Replica's inspiration for his clothes).

One day, when Vanitas was in his teenage years, he made a very important decision. Vanitas wanted to be a Power Ranger.

Of course, when he told Xehanort this, Xehanort was like "Ha ha ha- No." And then Vanitas replied with a "ZOMG I hate you!1!1!1!" And with that, he shoved a table over (to express his RAEG), and ran upstairs to pack his bags. He filled his Power Rangers Limited Edition suitcase with all his Power Rangers crap (which he smacked me with for referring to it as crap), jumped out the window, and sprinted away.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Xehanort screamed, and Vanitas hollered back:

"I'm going to be a Power Ranger!"

And so his adventure began. He hitchhiked to Hollywood, where he researched (threatened 411 to tell him) where the building that the Power Rangers show was filmed, located (stalked) the director, and politely asked (screamed, begged, and threatened the life of) him if he could audition. His passionate outburst of desire to be on the show inspired the director, and Vanitas was immediately scheduled to be the villain of the next season. It was like a fairy tale dream come true.

You know, minus the fairy tale part.

However, shortly after they started filming, the director decided to take a different (and stupider) approach, and Vanitas was fired. The episodes they'd filmed with him were never aired, and Vanitas was kicked to the curb. Hurt, furious, and chafing from his stupid (yet so bad-ass) leather suit, Vanitas quickly plotted a complex, convoluted plan for REVENGE... And then decided that it was too much effort, and just blew the freaking place sky high.

Satisfied by the demolished building the screams of terror, the poor little Power Ranger closed his helmet and trudged home to find Xehanort waiting for him with open arms. Which only succeeded in creeping him out. Still, he came in, ate some soup, and angsted about his loss.

Maybe, he thought, if he'd been more perky and adorable like his Goody-Two-Shoes twin Ventus, he'd have gotten a hero role and he wouldn't have been fired! Blaming Ven for his failure (though not even Kingdom Hearts knew why), Vanitas then poured his heart and soul into Keyblade Wielding and summoning Unversed, and became an uber ebil villain for Birth By Sleep -which just so happened to come out once he got home.

And so, Birth By Sleep started, and our wonderful Power Ranger crept in Ven's room. Only to find that Ven and Terra had copied his Power Ranger suit look. Which only made him RAEG more. And thus, the magical tale of Vanitas truly began.

And that's why Vanitas wears a Power Ranger suit.

What was the point of this story you ask? Hah! You silly people! There WAS no point!

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><p><strong>Quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever written ._. Um, review? Maybe?<br>**


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